


Sir, That's My Emotional Support Snake

by ErikaWilliams



Category: Good Omens (TV), Good Omens - Neil Gaiman & Terry Pratchett
Genre: Emotional Support Snake, Established Relationship, Gen, Humor, M/M
Language: English
Status: Completed
Published: 2019-05-14
Updated: 2019-05-14
Packaged: 2020-03-05 13:37:52
Rating: General Audiences
Warnings: No Archive Warnings Apply
Chapters: 1
Words: 1,506
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/18829747
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/ErikaWilliams/pseuds/ErikaWilliams
Summary: Aziraphale just wants to spend a quiet afternoon with Crowley, but Gabriel shows up for a surprise house inspection.





	Sir, That's My Emotional Support Snake

It had started off as a rather peaceful afternoon, all things considered. Aziraphale had flipped the sign on the bookstore to closed so they wouldn’t be distracted by any customers who had the audacity to think they could come in and disturb the quiet of the day. Plus, a new rare edition of the Bible had just been delivered by the post and he was curious as to how this one was unique. He made two mugs of hot cocoa, even though he knew they would probably both go to waste. He placed one on the end table, on a coaster of course, and the other on the coffee table.

 

He sat down on the well-worn sofa, planning on spending at least a few good hours with the book. Maybe at least make it through the Old Testament. No sooner had he settled in then Crowley collapsed on the rest of the sofa, putting his feet on Aziraphale’s lap. It was cozy and he couldn’t think of a more perfect way to spend an afternoon. As long as Crowley behaved himself and stayed on his side of the couch. He would probably take a nap. He usually did when Aziraphale settled in with a long book.

 

“Need a blanket, dear?” he asked before he started his reading. Crowley liked to be wrapped up in warm blankets, which was why he always kept one stashed within easy reach behind the sofa.

 

“’M’okay,” Crowley said quietly before crossing his arms across his belly. “Just wake me when you’re done.”

 

Yes, it had been a perfectly wonderful way to spend the afternoon. Crowley sleeping peacefully on the sofa next to him, two cooling mugs of forgotten cocoa, absolutely nothing in the world that could interrupt them.

 

Someone knocked on the front door, precisely three times and Crowley accidentally kicked him lightly in the stomach as he jerked awake.

 

“Aziraphale,” a voice called from the other side of the door as Crowley sat up. “Open up for a surprise house inspection.”

 

Today? He looked worriedly in Crowley’s direction, certain that the higher ups would have something to say about him having a demon napping on his couch.

 

“What’s happening?” Crowley asked as Aziraphale waved his hand and made the mugs of cocoa disappear.

 

“Surprise house inspection.” How could he have forgotten he had gotten that missive saying house inspections were happening this week? He would have told Crowley to make himself scarce until after his inspection had passed. “You have to hide,” he informed Crowley even as he realized there would be no place for him to hide. The angels would be very thorough in their search.

 

“Why did they knock if its supposed to be a surprise?”

 

“Because it’s the polite thing to do.” He placed the book on the end table and glanced around the room to make sure there was nothing untoward. Other than the demon squatting on the middle of the couch. “And you really do need to make yourself scarce unless you feel like fighting a few angels by yourself.”

 

“They’ll never know I’m here.”

 

It would probably be best if Crowley were to just leave, but he wouldn’t put it past the angels to have posted someone at the back door. He didn’t want to know where Crowley was hiding, because he might just accidentally give him away. He tried to push thoughts of Crowley out of his mind as he made his way through the shop and to the front door. Best to believe that Crowley had never been there, and then the angels doing the house inspection may not pick up on his presence. Giving the shop one final once over, he pulled open the front door just a crack.

 

“Gabriel, what a pleasant surprise,” he said through the inch. Of course it would be Gabriel, along with two other angels he didn’t recognize. Gabriel would do a very thorough investigation and would probably hone in on Crowley like a bloodhound.

 

“It should be,” Gabriel said, edging closer to the door. “Now are you going to let us in so we can get this over with?”

 

“Yes, of course.” He resisted the urge to look back over his shoulder to make sure Crowley was well hidden as he stepped back and opened the door further.

 

Gabriel stepped smartly inside, looking studiously around the bookshop. “You certainly have a lot of things in here.”

 

“It’s part of my cover as a bookshop owner.”

 

“Still seems excessive.”

 

He just wanted to have a nice afternoon in the backroom, so of course someone would come along to ruin it. Gabriel started his inspection in earnest, scanning all the book spines on the shelves. The other angels started poking around, looking behind the shelves and under the counter. They weren’t going to find anything, at least not out here. Gabriel seemed to be looking for something specific though as he made his way into the backroom. Maybe he should have put the Bible away as well in case Gabriel decided he need to say something about that. There was no outcry and nothing exploded in his back room. Crowley must have found a good place to hide. Maybe now they could finish their inspection and leave him in peace.

 

“Doesn’t this place have an upstairs?” Gabriel asked as he stepped out of the backroom. He so rarely used the upstairs he frequently forgot it was there. Had he left something incriminating up there, left behind months ago on the rare occasion he saw fit to go up there?

 

“Right this way,” he said. It took a few tries to get the door open, and the hinges creaked as it finally pulled free. He led the way upstairs, trying to remember what was up there. A kitchen that he never used because he was always eating out. A bedroom that was used just as scarcely unless someone he was not to think about wanted to take a long nap. Gabriel poked his head in the kitchen, but just as quickly moved on. Did he have some sort of internal demon sensor that he was missing out on? He kind of wished he knew where Crowley was hiding so he knew if Gabriel was getting close.

 

“What’s the bedroom for?” Gabriel asked as he stepped into the room with a disdainful look.

 

“The place was already furnished when I moved in.” The upstairs at least. The downstairs he had designed according to his own tastes.

 

“Is that so?” Gabriel asked as he moved further into the room. Surely Crowley would not be foolish enough to hide in the bedroom. Gabriel was definitely looking for something, opening the closet door and peering inside. Crouching down to look underneath the bed even though nothing could be hiding under there.

 

Gabriel started back towards the door, stopped and turned slowly back around. What could he possibly still be looking for? There was absolutely nothing in that bedroom that should have been of any interest to anyone. Gabriel made his way stealthily back to the bed and shot his hand under the pillow. He retrieved a two foot long black snake with a red underbelly.

 

“How do you explain this?” Gabriel asked, holding the snake aloft.

 

“Don’t hurt him,” Aziraphale said as the snake started to lift his head. The snake swiveled its head towards him expectantly. Crowley possibly picked the worst place to hide in and now they would be lucky if Gabriel didn’t kill them both.

 

“Care to explain why you have a snake in your bed?” Well, when he put it that way, it was rather difficult to explain away. He could tell the truth and beg for forgiveness.

 

“Sir, that is,” he paused and looked back and forth between Crowley the snake and Gabriel, “my emotional support snake.” The snake flicked its tongue in his direction.

 

“Your what?” At least he lowered Crowley closer to the bed.

 

“My emotional support snake. It’s part of my research. Trying to figure out why humans are turning to animals for comfort rather than God.”

 

“Why a snake?”

 

Crowley raised his head up and swiveled it around to stare at Gabriel instead.

 

“They were out of puppies that day?”

 

Gabriel unceremoniously dropped Crowley the snake back onto the bed. At least it would have been a soft landing for him and the only thing that should have been injured was his pride. “I guess that checks out.” Gabriel made his way back to the door, stopping next to him. “But we’ll be watching you.”

 

He supposed that meant he had passed their inspection, but he still held his breath until he heard the front door of the bookshop close behind them.

 

“Your emotional support snake?” Crowley asked from where he had changed back on the bed.

 

“It got rid of them didn’t it?” He thought they might have pushed their inspection further, maybe even taken the snake with them for further testing. “Now put some clothes on and let’s go back downstairs.”

**Author's Note:**

> They've taken over my life again now that the TV series is coming out. And it seems like I can only write crack or angst for this fandom.


End file.
